How Do I Help People Through Times of Loss?

By Dan Lewis
Posted on March 30, 2005

Here’s a discussion to use for groups about how to help each other through loss. The discussion is based on the book “Good Grief” by Granger E. Westberg a tool I’ve used for understanding grief and loss. You can order the book or pick it up at a book store for just a few bucks. Many of our Rio Links have used this study for group discussion and have found the book helpful for helping families through times of loss.

INTRODUCTION:

Ask: What kinds of loss do we experience in this life? Think about your Rio Link and list all the ways that you have seen people in your Rio Link experience loss. (May have them list on construction paper) (death of loved ones, job loss, pets, loss from divorce, loss when friends move or get transferred, memory of your old home, loss of health, eyesight, hearing, possessions stolen or lost, neighbors moving, retirement, when a child gets married or goes off to school, etc)

Ask: Is there a difference between “little griefs” and “big griefs.” What are some examples. (Little might be the loss you feel when friends might cancel dinner, big might be a loss of a loved one.) Does God care about all of our losses? (of course)

Ask (Another option): Have any of you experienced a loss of a loved one? When you did, do you remember what your friends and family did or said to you during that time? What helped? What do you remember that didn’t really help at all?

STUDY / DISCUSSION

Read: 1 Thess 4:13 “Grieve not as those who have no hope.”

Say: Some people stop with “Grieve not” and think that as Christians that we should not grieve – implying that if you have faith you should not grieve (faith and grief don’t go hand in hand). But the rest of the verse tells us that it is ok to grieve but that we should have “good grief” – meaning we should go ahead and grieve but learn to grieve with hope. That is the basis for the book “Good Grief” by Granger E. Westberg. (You can hand out the book now or wait until you divide into groups.)

Say: I’ve read this book and I want to share some of the principles in the book and have some discussion for a little while that might help us see the need to grow as leaders in helping others through grief. (You may want to refer to or read some other points from the introduction.) The book describes a pattern that many people go through when they experience loss. The steps are related more specifically to the death of a loved one but the pattern can be seen in almost any kind of loss. In the introduction the author describes some of the stages of grief that he found people go through and he lists studies from psychologists.

Read: (From the intro on page 20) “The ten stages of grief must be understood to be the normal process through which most people must go as they face up to their loss. In other words, we shall be talking about the road the majority of humans must travel in order to get back into the mainstream of life. Now let us look at the ten stages of grief. Remember that every person does not necessarily go through all these stages, nor does a person necessarily go through them in this order. Moreover, it is impossible to differentiate clearly between each of these stages, for a person never moves neatly from one stage to the other.”

(Idea): I wanted to give the book to everyone so they would be sure to read it. One way to better the chances of them reading it might be to give them a taste of what each stage of grief is about and get them to crack open the pages during the discussion.

Research and Discuss: (Options): There are only a few pages dedicated to each stage (chapter). You could list the ten stages and then give a brief overview of each one from the chapters. Or you could divide up into groups and have each group read or study a few of the chapters/stages and then give a report back to the group. To make it flow quicker you could have each group just give some descriptive words and some brief explanations of each stage. I think I’m going to divide up into four groups and give each group 2-3 stages. Then I’ll write each stage up on the whiteboard and have the groups report while I write some descriptive words next to each stage as they describe them.

(Option): Have the group think of an imaginary friend who just lost a mother or father. As you go through the stages have each group talk about the stages as if that friend was experiencing each one. That way when they are describing a stage they will get more specific about it and how it might be expressed in this imaginary friend.

CONCLUSION:

Ask: How important is it that we do not grieve alone? Why is it important they leaders/servants of Rio Links learn how to help others through their grief? (You can wrap up by maybe reading some quotes from the last few pages of the book. He says some great stuff about how much we need each other and how important it is that we do not grief alone.)

PRAY

Say: Let’s pray for some specific people who are grieving right now, and let’s pray that we would continue to learn how to help them. (List names of people and pray for them.)

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